


And All the Sinners Saints

by nerdguy3000



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e15 Revelations, Episode: s03e16 Elephant's Memory, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mentioned Cat Adams, Mentioned Tobias Hankel, Post-Episode: s13e01 Wheels Up, Post-Prison Spencer Reid, Season/Series 12, Season/Series 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29344188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdguy3000/pseuds/nerdguy3000
Summary: After everything that happens in Mexico, Spencer Reid isn't sure if he deserves his one-year clean medallion(AKA I'm salty we never got to see Spencer get his one-year clean medallion after it was referenced in Elephant's Memory)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	And All the Sinners Saints

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a lyric from 'Sympathy for the Devil' by The Rolling Stones
> 
> Also this is my first Criminal Minds fanfiction so I hope you enjoy it

_‘Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.’ – Mahatma Gandhi_   
  


He isn’t sure what to do with it after Mexico, prison, Cat Adams, and taking down Mr Scratch, he had left it at home, placed on next to his FBI badge in his desk drawer. His one-year clean medallion, he had been so proud, so had John who shook his hand as Reid handed back his one-year medallion. He had carried it with him everywhere he went for years, a constant reminder, whenever a case got too bad, he ran his thumb over the indentations on the medallion. After Emily had ‘died’ he had almost rubbed it completely smooth, every time the grief got too much, he clung to the small piece of metal like it was his lifeline. He had wanted to just throw it off the closest bridge and fall into the hazy bliss that Dilaudid gave him, but he held on, and eventually, the cravings subsided as the pain of grief became manageable.

He would never tell anyone, but the cravings always got worse when someone left, Gideon was the worst, only a few months clean when he left, he spent every night wrestling with the pain of losing another father figure, then he died and Reid spent the night after the case staring at his Medallion, wrestling with himself. Alex leaving hurt in a different way, she was the only stable maternal figure he had ever had but he was proud of her too, she had made the right choice for herself, Reid fell asleep with the Medallion in his hand. Morgan leaving hurt but for once Reid didn’t have to worry about the cravings, because his best friend was leaving to raise a beautiful son who was named after Spencer, that was enough for him, he wanted to set a good example.

So, when he eventually got home to his apartment, he had a lot to think about. His mom had been checked into a care facility close by as he realized, he wasn’t in any position to look after her, not after everything that had happened. He went straight to his desk drawer and pick up the medallion that looked old and battered but was Reid’s prized possession. He sat himself down on his sofa and ran his thumb over the metal once again. Did he still deserve this? It had been a few months since that incident in Mexico, but he had still been found with drugs in his system. He spent a lot of time in prison thinking about it, the cocaine hadn’t been the problem it was the heroin, so close to the Dilaudid he had become dependent on ten years ago. In prisons his cravings had been bad, all he wanted was to forget, forget what happened in Mexico, and forget where he was. He would never have taken anything, he was trying to prove his innocence, and trying to take drugs would not have looked good, he wouldn’t risk all the hard work his team was doing because he was weak. But now he was out, and not under constant surveillance, he could quite easily-

No, he squeezed his hand tightly around his medallion and with his other hand pulled out his phone, it had been years, but he was sure he had been to a meeting but right now he needed someone to talk to, someone that would understand. He pulled up John’s contact, it had been years since they talked, and John was now retired but he held onto a little sliver of hope. His finger paused above the call button before taking the plunge.

“…Spencer, is that you?”

“John, hi yes.. umm, I was just… I needed… umm, I’m not sure how to say this.”

“Spencer, it’s okay, what do you need son?”

“I umm, I just need someone to talk to, someone who understands I guess.”

“Do you still live in the same place?”

“…yeah.”

“I’m on my way, put some coffee on.”

Half an hour later he was sitting on the sofa again, this time across from the man who had believed in him all those years ago, enough to give up his own medallion. That’s when he launched into the story of what happened, starting with his mother and the medicine, then Cat Adams and Lindsay Vaughan and how he had been drugged with heroin and cocaine, he talked about prison for a little but that was too painful for him to focus on and then finally how they had stopped Mr Scratch. There was a small pause and he looked up at John from his empty coffee cup, he unfurled his hand, showing the medallion that was clutched there.

“I feel like I don’t deserve this anymore.” His dam finally broke as tears fell from his eyes; he dropped the medallion to the floor.

“Oh Spencer, that wasn’t your fault. You didn’t relapse, we were coerced and since then you haven’t touched anything. I’m so proud of you, you could have gone back to your old habits in prison or since you got out.” He bent forward and grabbed the medallion off the floor and placed it gently on Spencer’s hand, “you worked hard for his and in my mind, you still deserve this.”

They spent the next few hours talking, sharing stories about their life, how John had been finding retirement how Reid had been doing before prison. It felt right, to have some small part of his life back.

The next day as the team gathered at Rossi’s for a big family dinner all together, Reid slipped the medallion in his pocket. It was his reminder of his strength, of all he had endured, all the loss, all the pain, all the heartbreak, and how, no matter what came his way he could overcome it. He was not and would not become a victim. Tobias Hankel and Cat Adams couldn’t win if he didn’t let them and he wouldn’t let them.

**Author's Note:**

> All Feedback Greatly Appreciated!


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